never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
