i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
