just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
