i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
