How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
