I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
