if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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