someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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