So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
