New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
