Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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