we have pet lesbian snakes
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
