he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
