I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
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How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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