Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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