How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
