i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
