he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
