Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize