tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
