yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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