btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
