I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
