3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
