I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
accomplished twins. life is a go
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
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