I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
