i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
