We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She's the barista slut.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
