Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
