And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
