i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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