if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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