So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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