is your mom at the bar?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
