I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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