I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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