C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
