I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
