are you still at the devil's house?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
