I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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