I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath