Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.