I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
