you suck at this game today
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?