Someone shit on the floor
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.