the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.