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I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
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