Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.