I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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