so that wasnt chicken after all
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
