I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
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we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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