you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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