it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
