if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
