Your face is a jimmy john
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize