remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
