just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
