I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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