I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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