Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
