I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
