she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
