you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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