plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
