My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
