i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
