Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
