can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
