I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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