just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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