i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
