i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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