quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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