If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
