It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
