Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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