So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
