The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
