you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
