I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
