it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I want her autograph on my taint
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
me + whiskey = a bad person
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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