someone get that fucking seahorse.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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