I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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