Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
