I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
