yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
