it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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